He's Just Not That Into You

Knowing myself, I found this book about a year ago as my favorite section at a book store is the self-help area. It forever changed my perspective on dating and men. The philosophy is simple.

If :

• He's not asking you out
• He's not calling you
• He's not dating you
• He's not having sex with you
• He's having sex with someone else
• He only wants to see you when he's drunk
• He doesn't want to marry you
• He's breaking up with you
• He's disappeared on you
• He's married (and other insane variations of being unavailable)
• He's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak

.....then he's just not that into you.


It seems so obvious and simple, but it often isn't when a woman meets a man she likes and is hoping he feels the same for her. I think we've all experienced it at one point or another and we tend to delude ourselves with what we want to see rather than what his actions and words are really saying. Sadly, (but not so sadly because I learned a valuable lesson) it happened to me several times. I am grateful for the authors of this book, Greg and Liz; they have truly opened my eyes in choosing and keeping the right guy and ditching and forgetting the men who are not worth fighting for. Call this philosophy radical and ignorant if you will. But I tell you, don't make judgments until you've experienced it.

The movie was well made in my opinion and it was really cute! The book definitely makes it clearer on the rules so read it. The movie nearly made me cry a few times, especially Jennifer Aniston and Ginnifer Goodwin's case. Favorite quote from the movie:

'Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.'



Since I've known the rule, I started applying it to my dating life and never have I been so smart and strong when it comes to men. Last year, a guy I thought was pretty into me after a date stopped calling completely for 5 days and it was agonizing and angering me but I fought so hard not to call him completely, and I kept true to the voice that was ringing in my head, 'he's just not that into you if he's not calling you'. A friend suggested various possibilities of why he's not calling such as being busy and being too shy to make a move, and that I should call him first but I resisted. Then, a few days later I was talking to another friend who didn't know the situation between that guy and me, and she told me that she made out with the same guy on the same day after I had the date with him! Needless to say, I was angry as I remembered him giving me false hopes and sweet words. It was the best choice I ever made in not calling him. I also learned that actions speak louder than words.

The next scenario was that I was on a date with this guy several times but the problem, I felt, was that he rarely called and he would send an impersonal text message only once a week to say "let's grab lunch/dinner". I was starting to have feelings for him. I visited him one day and he was on his laptop the entire time, and made awkward small talks with me while I sat there like an idiot on the chair waiting for him to stop doing whatever he's doing and pay some attention to me. After all, he invited me to come over and why was I even there if he just wants to use his laptop? So I got up and asked him why he was acting that way and he justified with poor reasoning with a, "Look, I gotta study for exams and I'm downloading songs so I can listen to it later as I'm trying to be productive". So I asked him why he can't even spare 10 minutes of his day to spend quality time with me and he answered, "10 minutes a day? Why do you need so much?" ...That was it, I had enough of him and told him nicely by text message later saying I just want to be 'friends' from now on. He never replied. His feeling for me was pretty much self-explanatory.


Such happenings are sad, girls, but we just have to let go and realize that not everyone is meant for us and we have to be smart in distinguishing the losers to the keepers. I've always been a firm believer that we deserve to be treated with the uttermost respect, and hell, treated like the princess that we are. So unless you just want to hang around him and hope one day he'll be into you, then by all means stick around even though he shows the sign above, of not being into you. Just please don't delude yourself and waste time if that's not on your agenda. You may ask, "but what if he's still not over his ex and still needs time?" Well honey, fuck men with baggage. Find a man ready to be with you now, not in two years time.

Here's the up-side: by following the rules, you'll soon enough find a man who treats you best, who will love you and show how much he cares. From the start, he'll call you everyday just to know what you're up to, to ask you on a date, to be your one and only boyfriend. And he treats you this way because he knows you're not going to tolerate any less and you treat yourself the way you want him to.

How do I know?
Because that man is currently sleeping on my bed........ ♥

Embarrassing text messages and emails

Have you ever sent a private message to the wrong person by accident? And that someone happened to be the last person you wanted them to see? I have. Several times.



Case 1:
Last year, I was sitting alone in the university health clinic and a guy I happened to have hooked up with not so long ago entered the room with a girl I knew he was seeing/having sex with. Just to clarify, I was not into him or was jealous but I felt very awkward and I avoided looking in his direction so I wouldn't have to catch his eye. I whipped out my phone and sent a text message to my friend (or so I thought) saying 'Oh god, the guy (whose name I won't mention) just walked in with his girl and he just left.' A few seconds later, I realized that I sent it to him and was mortified. A minute later he replied , 'I was trying to make eye contact with you'. GAH.

Case 2:
This isn't too much of a big deal, but nevertheless I was pretty embarrassed. So I went to Vietnam in March with three other people and I wanted to send them my hidden photo album through a Facebook message. A few days later, one of them told me that I sent it to the wrong person with the same first name on Facebook. That person happened to be a woman who works in my university who was partially involved in the process of offering me admission to the university. I wasn't impressed because it had photos of me in a bikini, my friend wrapped semi-naked in the bedsheet and another one of me pulling the ugliest face I could manage.

Case 3:
My roommate hardly sleeps in our room since revision period started and I often had my boyfriend over and we'd spend late nights together. My roommate came back one afternoon and was leaving again, so I asked her when she'd be back again and she said not until Sunday night. I was cheering with joy in my mind so I immediately texted my boyfriend which read 'My roommate is not coming back until Sunday night' with a big smiley next to it. I later realized with shame that I sent it to her and was so embarrassed I called my boyfriend to rant then sent a backup message to her saying 'Oops sorry I was trying to send that to my boyfriend....no offence to you, I was just happy to have him over!'

With the frequent use of technology, we really ought to be careful to avoid some horrible situations - say, sending a message to your boss about how much you dislike him/her. Which never happened to me, thank god. I'm just saying.

A Lot Like Love (2005)

This is my favorite romantic comedy. I don't want to spoil it, but its basically about two individuals, Oliver and Emily whose relationship slowly evolves from lust to friendship to romance over the course of seven years. They keep bumping into each other and realize they've fallen in love but circumstances keep them apart; but only physically.

I've always fantasized about eternal love because I believe that true love never dies and if you're truly meant to be with someone, call it destiny or whatever, then you'll eventually find each other again regardless of any circumstances. Because if both lovers feel that they were each others' soul mate, best friend and best lover then why would they settle for anything less than what they already found?

Favorite quote from the movie:

"Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love" - Emily



The soundtrack is amazing too. Here is the theme song to it and is probably my favorite love song too. The lyrics are beautiful, I could relate to it now.

"I never understood before. I never knew what love was for. My heart was broke my head was sore what a feeling. Tied up in ancient history I didn't believe in destiny. I look up you're standing next to me, what a feeling. What a feeling in my soul, love burns brighter than sunshine. Let the rain fall I don't care, I'm yours and suddenly you're mine. And it's brighter than sunshine." - Aqualung